Forgive and Live in Peace
When we don’t forgive, we can quite literally block ourselves from loving and being loved.
There is a definite dark side to my relationship with my father - one that has caused depression, much self-reflection and growth. I had to make a choice. I could let this negative aspect of my past define me and use it to excuse my negative behaviors and continue to let it affect me in these counterproductive and harmful ways, or I can survive. I can not only survive, but I can thrive and I can inspire! I can heal.
I choose to forgive. I forgive for my children and for myself and for whomever it is I need to forgive, whether that’s myself or in this case, my father. Forgiveness is mutually beneficial. Forgiveness is an essential ingredient to self-care. It brings peace to all involved. When we don’t forgive, we can quite literally block ourselves from loving and being loved.
“Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.”
-Marianne Williamson
Many get stuck on this notion that forgiveness isn't deserved. It seems that they have a difficult time believing that someone who hurt them deserves compassion and understanding. I feel that everyone deserves forgiveness because I also want to be forgiven. Don't you? Treat others the way you want to be treated. If we want to be forgiven, then we must forgive. Some say that forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s just for us, but I do feel that it is for both parties involved. Forgiveness is an extension of Love and a key to Freedom. When we forgive, we free ourselves and the other person. When we hold onto regret and bitterness towards ourselves and others, we hold back in life and we build walls so that we only see glimpses of love. We all deserve love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness.
“Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry. Holding onto anger only hurts you, not them.”
My father is no longer here in the physical world, so I cannot build on the relationship in the traditional sense, but I can choose to remember and cherish the good memories - because there definitely were some. I remember what he used to call me (chickadee) and how he made me feel very loved. He taught me that family is very important and to always hold on to them, no matter what. By remembering the positive, I can grow from the love I remember - instead of allowing the negative emotions that are associated with an unwillingness to forgive to continue to infect every part of my life.
“When you forgive someone with all your heart, even when they're not sorry, the freedom that you get is unimaginable.”
I post a lot on my social media accounts about forgiveness and I sometimes get confused and angry comments about it. I hope this blog helps clarify where I am coming from when I post about forgiveness, compassion and understanding. I also hope that my experiences and the way I deal with them will inspire healing in others.
How can we begin to heal? We begin to heal when we learn to have compassion understanding towards ourselves and towards others. When we learn to love ourselves and have compassion and understanding towards our own mistakes, it feels more natural to show the same for others. We learn by educating ourselves and by listening to our own inner voice. Meditation and reading books offer us the wisdom and tools to practice. Authors, speakers and people we know who are forgiving and generally positive people can also help us to be more forgiving. When we learn to come from a place of love, it’s heals us.
The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz was a very influential book in helping me learn how to heal and put life into perspective. I learned why nobody is perfect and why I shouldn’t take other’s behavior towards me personally. It helped me find my understanding and compassion. This was amazingly freeing for me and I felt at that point I could actually begin to start really living and free myself from the burden of being unforgiving and holding people (mostly myself) captive (in my mind) for their mistakes. There are many helpful books that that can give us the tools we need to begin to heal.
Regardless of the challenges and hurt that were associated with my relationship with my father, through educating myself with reading and interactions with people, I have learned and come to a place in my life where I can be grateful and at peace. My hope is that you will find this place as well.
Please feel free to comment with your own experience with forgiveness or any questions you may have.
Sending Love,
<3 Leticia Rae
“Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not them.”
Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.
-Eckhart Tolle
“Forgiveness is selective remembering - a conscious decision to focus on love and let the rest go.”
-Marianne Williamson
“I wish for the person reading this so much love, adventure, sweetness, forgiveness and grace.”
-Leticia Rae
“Today, forgive yourself. Not just once, but again and again and again...as many times as it takes to be at peace.”
-Leticia Rae
“When you forgive someone, it's as if you are setting a prisoner free only to discover that you were the prisoner all along.”
-Teal Swan
“Forgive others and forgive yourself so that you may live in peace.”
-Leticia Rae
Forgive and LIVE in Peace. When we forgive, we live.
