Not being heard, seen, validated can weigh severely on someone.

When we finally build up the courage to share a traumatic experience and we are not validated, it can leave us feeling worse than we felt before. It can be a PTSD trigger. We can become fearful of opening up again. It can leave us feeling completely alone. Invalidation might be that the person you are sharing with stands up for the attacker and makes excuses for them, tells you that that is not the person they know, somehow makes it seem like your fault, they don’t believe you, they become angry, they tell you that you just want attention…etc!

Not being heard, seen, validated can weigh severely on someone. It can bring up feelings of unworthiness and being unloved and not liked…rejected. It can feel you are being further isolated than you were before you tried to share. It can be devastating. It’s okay to feel all that. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. It hurts to feel, but it’s necessary and you aren’t any less “spiritual” or “together” or “strong” because you allow the negative feelings. Feeling is how we get through it.

It’s possible that when someone invalidates your trauma, it’s their own defense mechanism. Sometimes the trauma we share with them is overwhelming and it’s easier for them to accept as unbelievable because it’s too painful to process. It’s difficult for some people and some have a difficult enough time processing their own trauma. Thinking of this possibility has helped me to learn not to take invalidation personal. How they respond isn’t personal. It feels personal but it doesn’t have anything to with us. That’s their stuff and how they deal.

Our trauma was not our fault and how people respond to what happened to us is also out of our control. But what we do have control over is how we respond to them. They may not be showing us love, compassion and understanding, but we can break that cycle by not becoming defensive and taking it personal and choosing to see where their reaction to our story might be coming from.

Have you ever experienced something like this before, from either end?

<3 Leticia Rae