I’m learning to love my triggers…
Recently I was thinking, I really hate triggers.
One moment I feel on top of the world and then the next I feel like a complete mess and I am scrambling to hold my head above water. Can’t I just be happy all the time? It’s so nice when I am happy! Is anyone happy all the time? I don’t know. I can’t speak for anyone but myself. Maybe there are people who meditate all the time and have reached this higher consciousness that allows them to see through the BS right away, all the time. And hey, even us "trigger happy" (or not so happy) people have those moments too sometimes.
"The people who trigger us to feel negative emotion are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being." -Teal Swan
When I look at people in this way, as messengers showing me where I have yet to heal, something shifts in me.
My focus shifts from feeling sad, sense of lack, victimized..etc., to looking at myself and the situation in a different light. BUT FIRST, I need to cry. I need to let that part of myself be sad and angry and hurt. I need to feel that. If I don’t, that part of me will always be there waiting for me to acknowledge it. It is okay for me to feel negative emotion. It doesn’t make me less spiritual or less of a positive person.
"Many people think that being spiritual means being positive, but being spiritual means being conscious and aware. To become conscious is a much different thing than to become positive. To become conscious and aware, we must become authentic. Authenticity includes both positive and negative." -Teal Swan
In the moment, indulging in self-pity might not seem positive, but I can assure you that when I let myself be in those feelings and in that state of mind and release the pain through my tears, I can come out the other side. At that point, I may not have it all figured out, but I do feel a little better - more positive about the situation.
I was going through this the last few days, maybe even the last few weeks, and when I finally cried and admitted to myself all the ways I was feeling and all the shitty thoughts I was thinking, I gave myself permission to be where I was. Part of me felt guilty and ashamed, like I was weak for feeling that way. You still have this experience to heal from. You aren’t as spiritual as you think.
I’m not less spiritual, positive, happy, grateful or satisfied in my life because I feel, think and experience negative things. It doesn’t make me any less or more than anyone else.
Once I’ve gotten all the emotions and shitty thoughts out, it’s like I’ve flooded the barriers that were holding my pain together. I can see situations and people from a different perspective. I can understand and be compassionate. I can forgive. The more I allow myself to feel and to move through it however it is coming up and then recover, the less scary it becomes and the more prepared I feel for the next time it happens. Right now, I feel like I am learning to love my triggers.
You are not too sensitive. You do not feel too much. You are strong for allowing yourself to feel so deeply.
<3 Leticia Rae
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